Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
