after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
