I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
