I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
