literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
