I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
