I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
