how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
