I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
