My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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