I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
