I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize