I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
