At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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