I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We talked him into tasing himself.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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