Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
