I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
