Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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