She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
