My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
