OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
