it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
