Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Porn is love you can see.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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