I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
