she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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