well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
