I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Drunk is not a location!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
