You're so nebulous sometimes
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Even my vagina gasped.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
