She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
