3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
