Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
