True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize