I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
