I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
