it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
