Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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