you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize