So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
