drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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