oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
