Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
