i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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