omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize