I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Congratulations! We have a period
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
