Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
