I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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