we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
