It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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