I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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