a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
