life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
