Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
