I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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