if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
