She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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