if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
