Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
