Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
