he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
