When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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