Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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