Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
