dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
