Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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