the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
