I think I died a long time ago.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
