and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize