i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
