i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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