I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
