The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
