Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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